to my daughter on her 14th birthday

Holdy—

I’ve been informed that the kids at school have discovered these letters, and so, I’ll try to avoid blowing up your spot too much.

Sitting down to write these letters always sends me down a fun rabbit hole to this time fourteen years ago, then to the previous years’ letters, and then to the Google Photos so I can scroll back through this year to actually remember what we did and how it went.

This year was pretty much all about K-Pop, hair dye and trading photo cards on the internet.

Your birthday present last year was tickets to see Stray Kids in Washington, DC with Jaia. This summer, you’re going to see BTS with Alexya in August. Almost every day, you show me a photo of another beautiful Asian boy and ask me if I know his name or if I recognize “your bias” (Changbin? I.N.?). I do not. I never know.

In the fall, the big focus was on your application to the Cosmetology program at York Tech and dyeing your hair various beautiful colors.

You even incorporated it into your Science Fair project and we tested out three different blonde shampoos (we got an “A”).

As part of your application, you shadowed some of my friends at their hair, makeup and nail salons to get a look at a day-in-the-life.

The Cosmetology program at York Tech is very competitive because there are very few open spots every year, so you are currently waitlisted. BUT, we did tour Central York High School (where your dad lives), and you really liked it. Registration for Central doesn’t open until July 1 and there’s still a chance to get into Tech…. so we’ll see. Next year will be different, for sure!

It is bittersweet to be leaving York Academy, where you attended since Kindergarten (and where I served on the board 2015-2021 and was a part of designing the Upper School!). You genuinely busted your ass this year and really worked at it (even got Honor Roll one semester!), but the truth is, it doesn’t have to be that hard. YARCS is designed to be academically rigorous, and wasn’t really made for kids who aren’t on the college path, or who don’t love school. So we’re moving on.

Speaking of moving on (and growing up), this year the Beanie Babies got packed away.

And moving on even further, right around the New Year, you decided that competitive cheer was no longer for you. You felt you weren’t being challenged or heard, and many of your friends had also left the team, so it wasn’t a fit socially anymore. So no more cheer.

You’ve found your way, instead/inevitably, to the stage. York Academy has a modern music program, where 8th graders get to form their own rock bands and perform for audiences. You (vocals), Reese (drums) and Kaia (bass) and others rocked out Madonna’s “Material Girl” and Weezer’s “Go Away” to thunderous applause this spring.

You also started taking drum lessons at school and are continuing to take them with Shine Music Foundation, in the Square. So basically, you’re a cool drummer chick with pink/purple/(soon) teal hair.

For your 11th birthday we made a deal that you could get your nose pierced when you turned fourteen, so today you’re cashing in on that promise. You asked me if I would get mine done too, so it looks like I’ll also be getting my nose pierced at my big age of almost-forty five.

Your braces will be coming off this summer and you’ve been playing around with contacts and not wearing your glasses, so I feel like a good old fashioned 80’s movie glow-up montage may be heading your way.

However, some things that will never change. You’re still hilarious. Still stubborn. Still the kid who can make me laugh when I’m trying very hard not to. Still fiercely loyal to your friends. Still capable of talking for an hour straight about something you love. Still completely yourself, even when you’re trying on new versions of yourself to see what fits.

I think that’s my favorite thing about watching you grow up. Underneath the hair colors and K-pop and future plans and high school decisions, you’re still Holden; still living your life out loud.

I don’t think you can fully appreciate yet how unusual it is to be fourteen and willing to walk through the world with bright pink hair. Most people spend a lot of their lives trying to blend in. You’ve never seemed particularly interested in that. I hope someday you recognize what a gift that is.

I’m so excited for this big time in your life. I hope you get to experience all of the best parts of high school, and I’ll try to help you navigate the worst parts.

Happy Birthday, Holdy. We love you.